Your children are trying to kill you
Attention, young parents. Don’t be so giddy about procreating. The truth is, your kids are trying to kill you.
Starting from conception, your children will wage a life-long campaign to take you out. Excessive vomiting, fatigue. Heavy weights that bend and snap your spine. Bursting out through flesh and bone. Then, sleeplessness, sucking you dry, exposing you to a multitude of viruses and bacteria, bashing you about the head with toys, leaving rolling things on the stairs.
Anxiety! Worry! Stress! You work too hard, stay up too late.
Then they start dating.
More on this later.
Starting from conception, your children will wage a life-long campaign to take you out. Excessive vomiting, fatigue. Heavy weights that bend and snap your spine. Bursting out through flesh and bone. Then, sleeplessness, sucking you dry, exposing you to a multitude of viruses and bacteria, bashing you about the head with toys, leaving rolling things on the stairs.
Anxiety! Worry! Stress! You work too hard, stay up too late.
Then they start dating.
posted by Allison at 5:49 PM
3 Comments:
I do - I have a 19 year old son. He's out on his own and lives on the other side of the country, so I am safe... for now! (Wait'll he starts talking about having kids of his own though - that'll kill me for sure!)
Safe? We recieved a call at 2 a.m. two weekends ago, sending Johan out into the night to rescue his 21 year old son 45 kilometers away. Not all children require rescues, but I did, and Johan did. Our 18 year old son still lives at home, thank goodness.
I hope I haven't caused you to worry.
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